Now that I've had a lot of time away from my husband, I've been able to gain a different perspective on things. I've been able to allow myself to have my own thoughts and personality instead of feeling guilty for even thinking something that my husband wouldn't like. Here's my conclusion: I like who I am.
I can be awkward and a little socially inept. I say stupid things and make lots of mistakes. However, I'm pretty light-hearted and I can have fun just about anywhere. I'm not the prettiest girl in any room, but I'm not the ugliest either. I can fall on my face, laugh, get up, and make a joke about myself without even thinking about it. My life experience also makes me sympathetic. I can understand the pain of others. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean I always know the right thing to say to them. I have a unique love for people who hurt, and there's nothing better than seeing them smile.
So I like who I am. On the other hand, I'm not particularly fond of what I am. I'm a woman who made a lot of mistakes. I still have 8 months left of school, which I could've finished 3 years ago if I had stayed on track. I didn't even get behind because of doing something really cool and worthwhile, except the one semester I spent in China. I wasted a year and a half with the wrong man, and another year trying to fix that mistake. So what am I? I'm a young, divorced woman who can't even support herself. It sucks.
I understand that all those bad choices add to the things that make me strong and sympathetic and whatnot. And I know that, some day, none of it will really matter. I also know that, right now, it makes life pretty hard.
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