Can't Touch This

For the majority of the time I've been trying to get divorced, I haven't had a whole lot of social interaction. Sure, I was in school for the first few months of it, but I was super depressed and hardly talked to anyone in any of my classes. Then summer came and the only time I got out of the house was to work at a pre-school. The only people I talked to were four-year-olds and catty women.

When I went back to school to work on getting my teaching credential about a month and a half ago, I had pretty much gotten over most of the depression and I was just fed up with the complications of the divorce process. Over the last month and a half, I have been looked at, talked to, and even hit on by more guys than I think I ever have before. I'm pretty positive that this is directly related to the fact that I'm technically single, which means there's no one to get upset if they do some flirting, but also technically married and, therefore, am free of the pressure of the possibility of a relationship. Simply put, guys want me because they can't have me.

I don't mean to sound conceited because I'm talking about guys wanting me. I know it's not me they want. It's the fun, flirty, risk-free interaction. To be honest, I don't mind. It's fun for me, too. It gives me the illusion of being wanted without having to deal with the fear that I'll get myself into another terrible relationship. I don't know how much, or even if, I'm interested in most of these guys. The great thing is; it doesn't matter. Once my divorce is finally over, I'll be available, which will completely take away my appeal. All my "suitors" will vanish.

My First Court Hearing

So, I've had a request to say more about my actual divorce process. I have decided to comply. Although I have had two court hearings, the first one was much more eventful. I might talk about the other one later, but not now.

The first hearing was very interesting. I arrived at the courthouse, located the department where my hearing would be, and found my husband already waiting with his father. And his mother. And his aunt. As we were waiting in the hallway for the department doors to open, one of his cousins showed up. When we were let into the department, another aunt joined them, followed by another cousin. The second aunt ended up waiting in the hall the whole time because she had brought yet another of my husband's cousins who is only 15 and, because he is under 17, is not allowed to enter the actual courtroom. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't by myself. I brought my step-dad along because I know how my husband is and I expected his dad to be there. I felt it necessary to bring someone other than my lawyer to make sure that I wasn't followed to my car by statements of what a horrible person I am and how the divorce is all my fault. I just didn't expect this to be a whole family affair for him.

After the judge called our case, my lawyer and I sat on one end of the counsel table while my husband and his father sat on the other side. Did you read that right? Yes, my husband's father sat next to him at the counsel table as if he were his lawyer. When asked who he was, he said that he had been asked to represent my husband "pro per."When asked what in the world that meant, he acted like he couldn't hear until the question was repeated three or four times. Then he finally said, without repeating the term, that he was asked by my husband to help him out. He was told to sit down in the benches for those observing or awaiting their own hearing and to stop making an idiot out of himself. I might have added that last part.

The judge listened to my lawyer and to my husband and wanted us to negotiate with each other and reach an agreement without her help. We went outside to discuss. His family followed. They all waited on the other side of the hall...for the most part. Here's what happened (I was going to use color coding again, but it's not working for some reason):

Lawyer: If you don't mind, I'm going to sit down. I have a bad back and it's really hurting.

Idiot Husband: Please. Yes. Sit down. No problem.

L: Have a seat.

IH: Oh, I'd rather stand.

L: Well, I can't stand. I have a really bad back.

IH: Of course. Sit down.

L: I'd like you to sit down so we can talk.

IH: Oh, I know, but I just want to stand.

L: Fine. I'll stand.

IH: No, it's okay. You can sit down.

L: I really don't like the power struggle, so, if you're going to make an old lady with a bad back stand up, then I'll stand.

IH: Okay, I'll sit down.

L: Okay. Here's what we are going to offer.

Idiot Husband's Idiot Father: Excuse me. Can you explain--

L: I'm sorry. I'm trying to talk to this young man. I'm not talking to you.

IHIF: Well, I just want to know--

L: No. You are not his lawyer. I don't need to explain anything to you.

IHIF: Well, I'm helping--

L: No. He is representing himself. Please leave.

IHIF: I'm just standing here.

L: Sir, if you don't leave then I'm going to file a statement with the court that you are in contempt.

IHIF: Well, can't I stand here? Is this not a public place?

L: I'm not doing this.

So I followed her back into the courtroom where she filed a statement that said we were unable to reach an agreement because the family was trying to intervene. At the end of the day, the judgement was in my favor. However, before 24 hours had passed, an appeal was filed with the court. I would have to go back.

A Hard Day

Getting divorced is expensive. It wouldn't be nearly as expensive if I had decided to go through the whole process without a lawyer. Because I'm young and was only married for a short time, it SHOULD be easy for me to get all the paperwork done by myself or possibly with the help of a paralegal. However, the causes of my divorce were a little extreme and the things my husband's family did to me while he was at boot camp were insane. Therefore, I do NOT want to deal with all the legal issues without someone who knows what they're doing.

Today I got a call from my lawyer's office. I was actually happy, because I had been trying to get a hold of someone there earlier in the day. I thought she was calling me back. I should have known better. She never calls me back. It was someone else telling me that I needed to give the lawyer a lot more money that I don't have.

So, of course, I started freaking out. I got off the phone with her and started crying. The really awesome part is that this all happened about three minutes before my class was supposed to start. The even more awesome part is that I feel really stupid when it comes to that class, so I couldn't really afford to skip it. The awesomest part was that, after I had composed myself a bit, I went into the classroom and the teacher decided to be friendly and ask how I was doing. When I realized he was talking to me, I looked up and tried to force a smile. When that didn't work, he asked me if I had had a hard day. I nodded and sat down with tears in my eyes. Like I said, awesome.

Questions Answered

He found me again. My husband. On Twitter. I don't really use Twitter. The only people that follow me are my sisters and a friend who only found me on Twitter through my sisters. I follow a bunch of comedians and read their tweets when I'm bored or trying to avoid doing something else.

Anyway, he found me. I decided to talk to him because I found out that this divorce can finally be behind us if I get him to sign some papers. He, of course, wanted to talk face to face. So I set the rules. We could talk on the front lawn of my mom's house. Several people would be inside and could see everything from the windows. He wasn't happy about the conditions, but he came. We talked as the familiar scent of his cologne took me back to a happier time.

He told me he loves me. He told me he can't stop thinking about me. He said that he finally understands what he did to me and that he wishes he could make it up to me. Tears came to his eyes when he said that the bed we used to share stays empty at night because it reminds him of me. When it was time for him to go he stalled several times, saying that he just wanted to be near me. He wished we could spend time together, see a movie or something.

I know many people don't understand what goes through a woman's mind when the man she used to love finally admits that he messed up. When he finally realizes that she's worth more than he could ever give. I don't know if he actually meant a word he said, but the words were there. The acting was superb. Questions came to my mind. Has he really changed? Is it really too late? Did I make a mistake?

Despite the questions, I stood firm. I told him that what he was giving me was too little, too late. I let him stall, but I made him leave. I'm not sure why, but I gave him a hug before he left. Maybe it was because I wanted to show him that I'm bigger than all the bickering that goes on in divorces. Maybe it was because I wasn't sure what an appropriate goodbye would be in that situation. Or maybe it was because I wanted to feel that closeness one last time.

Whatever the reason, I got a lot more out of it than I expected. The hug he gave me was short and loose, like the hug you give your great aunt that you're meeting for the first time at a family reunion. Maybe what he said is true. Maybe he misses me. But it seems that, if he does, it's only because he hasn't filled that empty space in the bed with someone else yet.