Saturday, March 19, 2011


My divorce was finalized on December 30, 2010. I didn't find out this was the case until a month later. It's an interesting (though incredibly annoying) story that I might tell another time. I thought about writing about it, and several other things, but part of me thought that abandoning this blog would help me close that chapter of my life, move on, and stop wallowing. I guess I realized that, sometimes, wallowing is okay.
Today I went to a church workshop thing for LDS women. I had plenty of excuses not to go, and I really wanted to use them, but I went. I'm glad I did. I felt the Spirit very strongly and realized that there are a lot of very good, very strong women in my church. However, my lack of social ability seems to be magnified when I'm in a group of women. They make me feel nervous and inadequate. This problem has increased exponentially since leaving my ex-husband.
It seems that all the women at church have to talk about is their husbands and their children. I haven't recently run into any problems with people being downright rude about my situation, but I have nothing to talk about with these women. Admittedly, one thing that makes it so hard is that I am insanely jealous that they seem to have everything I want. I don't hate them for being happy or for having things I don't, but it makes my heart ache to be surrounded by them, hearing about the cute things their children say and the nice things their husbands do.
In all honesty, I know I'm not ready for any of that right now. I have a lot I need to work on and to figure out. Unfortunately, that doesn't make the pain of yearning go away.