Tuesday, December 7, 2010

A Hard Lesson to Learn

It's been a while since I wrote anything. It's been a while since I've even looked at this thing. I've been seriously considering deleting it.
Since my last post, I've been through a lot of extreme emotions. Most of them were less than pleasant. I've also had times of total apathy. There were just so many things going on that it made the most sense to just stop caring. I don't remember if the apathy was before or after the extreme anger toward the Church. Maybe before AND after. The Church didn't do anything wrong. Nor did anyone in it. However, it would be nice if at least my Visiting Teachers would call once in a while. I guess I just needed something to blame. Through quite a bit of effort, I managed to get over the anger and apathy. I eventually remembered all the reasons that I have worth and need to be obedient to the Gospel.
Then I got the bad news. My divorce was scheduled to be final on December 22. That was assuming that my lawyer had filed the judgement from the last court date, which I was under the impression she did about two months ago. She didn't. I can't get a hold of her, and even after the judgement finally gets filed, it will be another 6-8 weeks before the divorce is final. I just about lost it. I wanted to give up. On everything.
Luckily, I had re-discovered my worth before getting this news. I'm pretty sure that's the reason it only took me a day to accept this turn of events. It's not ideal, but it's not the end of the world. By the time my divorce is final, it will have been as long, or longer, than my marriage was. This is hard to swallow, but I guess that's what Heavenly Father knows it's going to take to teach me patience.