Out with the Ladies

As previously stated, I'm not real close with a whole lot of people. As also stated, I don't have much of a desire to interact with many of the people around me. I realize that this isn't exactly the most positive or healthy way to live, so I occasionally try to fight the urge to stay at home in front of the computer, the TV, or a book. Last night was just one such occasion. Someone decided it would be a great idea for any of the women in the ward who were interested to get together once a month for some sort of activity, usually eating(every woman's favorite pastime), and hang out. Feeling that this might be a good opportunity to at least let people know that I exist without needing to explain why I was the only one around without a significant other, I decided to go.

I really don't know any of the women in the ward, so I made sure to be with my sister when I got there. That way, even if people didn't know who I was, it would still look like I had been invited by someone. When we walked into the restaurant and saw the women in our group who had already arrived, the man in my stomach who screams when I'm hungry put a clamp on all my internal organs. A very large part of me wanted to walk right back out.

At the table, all the women, of course, talked about their husbands and children. I, obviously, remained silent. Unfortunately for everyone, there were a few times when the need to be polite overwhelmed some church-going woman or another who had clearly not been aware of the attempts of others from minutes earlier. The following are some excerpts from the evenings discourse with the inclusion of some things I was too polite to say. I'm using colors to distinguish different speakers because I don't want to use names and don't feel like being creative in descriptions. I'm green. Just 'cause.

"So who are you married to in the ward?"

Are you kidding me? How about asking MY name? I'm the one sitting right next to you.

"No one."

"Oh. Are you in our ward?"

Does it matter?

"Yeah."

"Really?" (look of confusion and disapproval)

I thought only Utah Mormons used a tone two octaves higher than the human range allows.

"Why don't you go to the single's ward?"

Why do you think for a second that it's any of your business, you ignorant cow?

"I'm getting divorced." (Due to the already existing discomfort, I started tearing up.)

"Oh! Well, when your divorce is final, then you can go the singles' ward activities!"

So that I can actually hear what people are so accommodatingly saying out of my earshot? No, thanks.

"I haven't decided if I'm going to go back to the singles' ward or not."

"You're so sweet to join our ward. You could've moved to any ward, but you chose ours. You're so sweet."

Actually, my choices were either my mom's house or a halfway house. My mom lives in your ward boundaries.

"Actually, I couldn't have."

"I'm trying to make you feel good!" (This lady already knew I was getting divorced, and was actually very funny.)

"I'm sorry. I don't want to be rude, but I haven't seen you before."

That's because I have an irrational hate for all of you and your stupid, perfect lives.

"How long have you been in the ward?"

Long enough that you should all be ashamed of your lack of fellowshipping abilities.

"Six months."

"How did you stay under the radar for six months?"

I didn't have to try real hard. The only reason you see me now is because I'm making an actual effort to be seen.

"I'm a hermit."

(uncomfortable laughter)

"So, did you get married and move into the ward?"

Just the opposite, actually. My life sucks, and I hate you for existing right now.

"No."

(confusion)

Again, I hate you.

"I'm getting divorced." (tears again)

"Oh. I'm sorry."

I bet you are. The Vaseline on your teeth just makes it impossible to stop smiling.

"No, it's okay." (more tears)

"It's hard, especially when it's fresh."

Hate hate hate hate hate.

"It's not fresh. It's just being drug out."

So, obviously, it was a successful evening.

In all honesty, I don't hate any of the women who were there, though some made me wonder which of the noble gases might be taking up all the room in their skulls. I completely acknowledge that none of them had negative intentions and that they just didn't know better, but it sure was interesting how they all found the quickest "polite" route to a conversation with anyone but me once I divulged the nature of my situation.