Side Effects

What makes my situation especially hard is that I don't feel like I really have anyone to talk to. I don't really have any friends who are married. Even if I did, I wouldn't want to talk to them too often. I get depressed enough talking to my married sister. Maybe that's dumb, but whatever. I also lost just about all my single Mormon friends when I got married to a guy that half of them didn't like and the other half thought I didn't deserve. I'm not really supposed to talk to single guys too much these days, because I'm still technically married and there's a risk of impropriety. I've also always suffered from what must be a medical condition that makes it close to impossible for me to make friends with females. Once in a while I seem to harness the attention from someone in one of the above categories when I really need someone to listen, but then I'm always worried that they won't talk to me again because I'm too depressing. There is actually one girl who recently reached out and let me know that she is also either divorced or getting divorced (it wasn't really clear). I really do want to be friends with her, but I'm afraid to call her or anything because of my condition.

To make things more interesting, today was stake conference. This means that I got to see lots of people from the singles ward that I used to attend. While I said hello to a select few, seeing was about all the interaction I had. Most of the people who saw me back looked at me like I had the plague for what was definitely not the first time. I'm usually very paranoid about this type of thing, so it's possible that it was all in my head. I don't know, though. Some of them looked like they were trying not to look at me, but couldn't help it. You know, like when you see a car accident or a really ugly person. I don't know if people just don't know what to make of me because I'm Mormon and divorced or if they think it's my fault that I'm getting divorced or what. All I know is that I probably won't be going back to that ward, even after my divorce is finalized.