Another Try

There are a few people who have read my blogs in the past. I've attempted this blogging endeavor a handful of times, only to abandon it within a few weeks. This isn't because I don't have anything to write, or because I'm discouraged because no one is reading it (though I know that only a select few do). No, it's because I feel some sort of obligation to make anything I write uplifting, inspirational, or at least have a reasonably happy ending.

It's difficult for me to meet these requirements for a couple of reasons. First off, I'll soon be receiving my degree in English. English majors don't like happy. It's not believable. It doesn't evoke enough emotion in the reader. I don't even know all the reasons, I just know that we don't like it. The other reason I have trouble writing flowery entries is because sometimes I just don't have anything good to say. Sometimes I just want to complain. I'll sit down to write an entry, and I try to twist how I am feeling into something positive. Then I decide I can't do it and eat some ice cream.

So, as I endure the absolute most difficult trial I may ever face (divorce), I'm trying something new. I've been trying to rediscover myself, and I'm going to use this blog to do it. I'm going to write what I feel, even if it's whiny and immature. I'm also sure that there will be very positive entries, but that's not my goal. I understand that many people believe that matters such as these should be left to one's personal journal, but I find something therapeutic about sending out my feelings to the world (even if I know no one will actually read them). I hope that anyone who does decide to take the time to read this will get something out of it, even it's just that they learn never to do the stupid things I've done.

As I said, I will soon be receiving my degree. This is my graduation gift to myself. I'm allowing myself to let my feelings out and let go of the obligation to be uplifting.