The final legal days of my marriage are slowly approaching, and fear is starting to set in. I've never liked being alone. When I was growing up, even during high school, I couldn't stand even being in a room by myself. I always needed someone to be there. It didn't have to be anyone in particular, and they didn't need to do anything special. I just needed to have someone near me.
Well, I've grown a bit, and I'm quite a bit more independent. I do just about everything by myself. In fact, I sometimes prefer to have no one around me. However, I'm suffering from the same feelings that convinced me to get married to the wrong person, mostly the fear of being alone. I was convinced, back then, that no one would ever want me. It didn't help that my husband was constantly reminding me of what a disappointment I turned out to be.
As I keep saying, it's taken me a long time to get divorced. Now I almost don't want the process to end. I've been able to tell myself for the last eleven months that the reason I'm lonely is because I'm still technically married, and no one should really be getting too close. I don't just mean with guys. Both married and single women seem afraid to be my friend. When all this is over, I won't have that excuse anymore. All my old insecurities are already coming back.
I don't want anyone to do anything special, or go to any lengths for me. I don't want to be a burden on anyone. I just need to have someone near me.
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